Using Tinder to find dates? I know having a date from Tinder isn’t hard. The hard part is how to get the second date with a girl from Tinder. So, please allow me to share my thoughts with you.
Why some men can’t get the second date:
Usually, there are two reasons why men can’t get the second date.
1.) Women think they are too boring.
2.) Women pigeonhole them as “the fun guys who don’t know what love is”.
Let’s analyze what’s happening to the first category: boring guys.
When a boring guy is on a date with a girl, he agrees with everything she says. He wants to find a high degree of commonality. He is eager to establish a good rapport with the girl. Well, technically, there is nothing wrong with that. But the boring guy doesn’t understand female psychology, so he basically has “the nice guy syndrome” – he believes that if he is nice to women, women will like him.
Look, there is a difference between being nice and being kind. Being kind is a quality that everyone admires, but being nice is sometimes a questionable quality because you have to ask yourself, “Why am I so nice to women? Am I nice to women because I am genuinely kind? Or am I nice to women because I want women to like me?”
If you’re nice to women simply because you want women to like you, then you’re doing it wrong as you aren’t exciting enough = you are boring.
Okay. Now let’s have a look at the second category: the fun guys who don’t know what love is.
Having fun is legit. That’s perfectly okay if you’re looking for a superficial relationship with a random woman that you won’t have a real relationship with. However, high-value women are probably looking for meaningful relationships with high-value men. Therefore, if your goal is to have a genuine relationship with a high-quality woman, having fun alone won’t help you achieve the goal. Please let me explain.
When you’re on a date with a girl from Tinder, she might find you creepy if all you’re doing is having fun and suggesting intimacy. That’s not what high-quality women respond to. Remember: high-quality women pursue the fun side of a relationship as well as the deep and meaningful side of a relationship.
Consequently, fun guys who don’t know what love is rarely get a second date. Period.
The solution is simple.
This isn’t rocket science, so you’ll be able to figure it out – as long as you’ve mastered the following three tools, you’ll make the woman from Tinder want a 2nd date with you.
Tool 1: Playfulness
When you’re playful and spontaneous, you’re taking the girl back to the playground. She feels sensually alive and mentally relaxed. This is the fun part of the dynamics – it’s absolutely necessary on the first date.
Tool 2: Emotional Connection
I’m not talking about your childhood trauma here. Actually, you’re not supposed to talk about emotions that are too serious on the first date, so please avoid talking about negative emotions such as tragedies and how badly your ex treated you.
On the first date, the best way to build an emotional connection with the girl from Tinder is to share something insightful. For example, you can talk about a difficult decision that you’ve made and then you say, “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.” A client of mine told the lady from Tinder that he recently broke up with his business partner and that wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, and then he said to her, “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.” Immediately, the lady started to pay full attention to everything he was saying and she even asked him, “What do you usually do on weekends?” (She wanted him to ask her out again; hence, he secured a second date without trying.)
Tool 3: Chemistry
You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt in order to create chemistry on a date. Yet you do have to know how to make the spark alive.
For instance, you may say “You are a very intelligent woman” while looking at her breasts. Or you can give her a glass of wine and your hand “accidentally” touches her hand (meanwhile, you allow the silence to build massive sexual tension when your eyes meet hers). Alternatively, you can naturally move her hair so that you can appreciate her earrings (and pay her a compliment at the same time).
How to actually use these 3 tools effectively:
Being aware of the above-mentioned three tools isn’t enough. You need to know how to use them properly!
The most important principle is to weave each of these tools in and out of the conversations with a woman on the first date.
“You can start from having fun, and then you insert something insightful into the conversation, and then you build sexual tension, and then you say something insightful again, and then you become playful.”
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